This is my blog. In it, I talk a lot about myself. A whole lot. And now? Now I’m thinking about doing this 120 mile run to Phoenix from Tucson to raise money for Stand Up to Cancer and it makes me feel like I’m being really cocky and extremely self-centered. I’m trying to grab a ton of attention for myself and snag a few headlines while I’m at it. It makes me feel like this is all so self-agrandizing. That it has nothing to do with charity and everything to do with ego; my ego.
It will take one hell of a personality to pull this thing off. To convince others to participate, give, talk about it.. talk about me. It’s the whole point isn’t it? Get them talking about ME so I can talk about what I want to talk about. So I can say what I have to say. So that I can move peoples hearts somehow and inspire them to do something about it. But I want MY name on everybody’s lips. I want EVERYONE to be talking about the guy with the mustache that’s running to Phoenix for some charity, ‘..what was it again? Stand up to Cancer?’.
But I’m nobody. At least, I’m just an ordinary guy. How can I drive something like this?
This is really interesting to me because I’ve heard celebrities say that you just have to ignore the haters. Don’t respond to them. Don’t answer their accusations. Keep your eye on the prize. And now, where I am, it makes a little more sense. The doubts, the negative thoughts, the fear of what others might say or think about me, the fear of being laughed at or, at least, being alone in this endeavor.
But you know what? None of that matters.
“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you”
My friend Eric and I talked about this, and that conversation continues to echo inside of me; What appears to be hubris or just raw pride from one perspective is really nothing more than a persons willingness to dare.. to do something so audacious and something that everyone else is so afraid to even attempt, that they will get defensive about it. They will reflexively criticize the audacity because it leaves them without excuse.
If we’re all mutually afraid, it’s so much more comfortable for everyone because no-one is challenged. No-one is faced with any hard truth about the decisions they make. No-one is challenged to change. And change is hard. And being challenged to change is insulting to our gentle egos for on the one hand we think we should be accepted for what and who we are and on the other, we don’t even accept ourselves and we won’t even forgive ourselves. It is just easier to give up than to live up to our own aspirations.
So, at this point in my life I feel it’s time to stop hanging my head in shame. Turning my glance aside or casting my eyes down at my feet. Perhaps I begin to be old enough to perceive that I can do much more than I ever gave myself credit for. That I am sufficient to the task at hand.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”