“Jealous Quitters”

“‘Sellout’ is a term invented by jealous quitters” – Casey Neistat

I was telling my wife, or at least, trying to tell her my confusion of having this idea, this thing that I wanted to do to make some money and chase my dreams, and how I was going to make that dream a concrete reality.  It’s confusing because I can’t see the path between here and now, and there.. and then.   It feels like I’m stumbling around in the dark.

There are some things about all of this that are challenging the very notion of who I think I am.  For example, there’s this very real temptation to hold a grudge against everyone that didn’t help me.. IF I even make it.   Can you see how ridiculous this is?  I’m actually fretting over things that haven’t happened because I’m feeling sorry for myself for the results of work I haven’t even done yet?   That just doesn’t make sense and yet, of the seemingly millions of things I need to do, I’m wasting my time with this kind of thinking? That’s just dumb.   I don’t want to be that guy – that’s not who I am.   I want to be the guy that just kept grinding and moving forward, inch by inch, totally focused on the path ahead, pushing and pushing and never giving up.   That’s the challenge.  That’s the real work.

So I was trying to articulate the big question mark between where I am right now with all the negatives and all the fear, with where I want to be and what it looks like on the other side.   Connecting those dots is a complete mystery.  I have no idea how that line gets drawn, but I imagine it zig-zags quite a bit and maybe even goes backwards sometimes.

There are those now who say and do things that make me think I have no chance.  That without really hurting me, they aren’t really helping me either.  But I can’t pay attention to that.

I’ll be over here grinding, if  you need me.  And when you call me a “Sellout”, I probably won’t hear that either.

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