The Stillness

One of the first major struggles I deal with when I’m going to work out at the gym or joining some friends for a run are the feelings of being inadequate.   Jenny can run forever once she finds her pace, Sandi is always on pace and smiling, Brian is there to encourage, push, pull.. whatever it takes to keep me going.  And all of that leaves me feeling like the weak-link.   Inadequate.

But I go anyway because I’ve learned something.

Of the many reasons to get my sweat on at Psychosomatic, or to go out on the road with friends, is because in those runs and in those workouts, despite the wonderful encouragement and cameraderie, it’s still entirely about me.   My workouts have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, any other age-group, any other fitness level or ability, any other condition or factor.   Whether there are high-fives or trash-talkers, the work is mine, and so is the reward.

When I can stay focused, closing my eyes from the stinging sweat, and as my mind is reeling off all the reasons I should stop, I find another level beneath the music and the noise, and it is quiet there.   There is only my breath, there is only my pain.

I am alive, and they are mine in the stillness.


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